My baby is growing up. He has been sleeping in his own room for the last few nights. I think we are all sleeping a little bit better, but I still miss him at night. We make up for it by snuggling in the mornings. I love that he loves to snuggle so much. I am his snuggle person, and daddy is his comedian. He thinks Joseph is so funny. Joseph gets much better laughs out of him than I do.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I think more and more about my Ethan and Jacob. This time last year was hard on Joseph and I. I will never forget driving from Quantico to Franklinton for Thanksgiving. We were planning on stopping to see their headstone, which had been delivered since we had been home last. I held back tears the entire ride home, only to lose them all when I saw that headstone with my babies names on it. No mother should ever have to spend her Thanksgiving in a graveyard. Sadly, I do.
I miss our boys. It is amazing how many people think that Blake "fixes" everything. Blake doesn't replace our loss, and I would never expect him to. I often look at Blake and think about how much he lost, without even knowing it. He lost two big brothers. He lost playmates, rivals, and possibly best friends. Watching Blake grow up makes me think so much about what should be, and it also makes me cherish every second.
So, this Thanksgiving will also start with a visit to Ethan and Jacob. We will put red bows up for them again for the holidays, and we will remember all that we have to be thankful for. Like I said last year, even in the hardest of times we always have something to be thankful for. Last year, it was survival (physically and emotionally).... this year it is survival, and our precious Blake.