It has been two years since my Ethan and Jacob were born. It is amazing how it feels like yesterday and forever at the same time. Blake and I went to the beach today. We let balloons go for Ethan and Jacob. After letting them go, we played in the water for awhile. Blake had an amazing time, and looking at his little innocent eyes made my heart a little happier. It was difficult to watch their little brother crawl around in the sand (which he was having the time of his life), and not think about what should be. At the same time, I think the past year has done a ton for me. This time last year was hard. I had a newborn Blake, and I remember looking at him and thinking about everything we missed with Ethan and Jacob. I remember thinking that I wanted them all. All three of my little men.
This year, I still miss them very much, but the unbarable pain isn't as strong as it was. I was told when they died, that you never stop hurting after losing a child, you just get use to the pain. I have to agree. I am slowly getting use to it. It is part of our story. We will never "heal" from losing them though, the scars will be there forever. I can still remember the feeling in my stomach when the doctor told us Ethan wasn't going to make it. I remember the fear we had the entire time he was in the NICU. I can remember all of those horrible things, but I can live with them now. Before, I felt like I couldn't breathe when I thought about it.
So, here are our pictures from today....
And the ones from last year. It is amazing how little Blake was.
