Monday, July 30, 2012

Holding On

IVF isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. A marathon with a moving finish line. As you are running along in this marathon, you think you are three miles from the finish line.  Then you pass a sign that says the finish line has been moved, and you are now five miles from the finish line. Only two more miles, right? You have already been so far, what are two more miles?  Those extra two miles are huge, not only physically but mentally.

Our current cycle feels a lot like this. There have been a lot of issues with my medication doses, since I had so many problems my last IVF cycle. We started out WAY too low with the fear of repeating, and we basically wasted three days.  My estrogen was incredibly low (not a good thing), it was somehow lower than before we started the medicines. They slowly moved my medicines up, and nothing really happened.  It has been a trial and error cycle, and the word cancel has been used more than a few times.

When you are spending thousands of dollars on medications, the words, "Trial and error" and "Canceled".... not what you want to hear.  Things seem to be turning around, but it changes daily. This cycle has been much more emotionally draining than the last.

Last time, I never thought about being canceled.  My doctor was always happy with my levels, and he was confident we would get plenty of eggs.  We had five embryos, and we sailed to the embryo transfer.  Not a worry in the world.  Then I overstimulated and was so, so sick. Physically, it was horrible. 

It is never easy.    

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


Fearless is the only way to describe Blake in the water.  He has zero concern.  He thinks it is all fun, even when he gets splashed in the face.  He is starting swimming lessons soon, since his lack of fear terrifies me.  He will just walk right into the deep end, with no problems with the water being over his head.  He is my water baby.  We have already taught him to kick his legs and blow bubbles in the water.  He is a water baby already, just like his mommy was.  

 Practicing kicking

 So much fun at the pool!

 He is SUCH a daddy's boy.  They are best buddies, which his daddy loves.

Hurry Up and Wait


My body does not want to follow the "rules".  Ever.  While it is really frustrating, I have almost come to expect it.  So when the ultrasound tech said that I have a cyst, I just shook my head.  Of course I do.  OHSS, pPROM, premature births, pregnancy induced hypertension, emergency c-section that required a urologist due to a ripped uterus... Normal? What is that?

The good news is that we later found out that it wasn't a cyst, just a huge follicle.  My body apparently thinks the birth control pills that my doctor put me on were a challenge.  They didn't work, and my body won.  If we weren't infertile, we could be one of those couples that gets pregnant while on birth control pills.... but we are infertile.

I was given a shot to speed things up, but our cycle will still be delayed about two weeks.  It was a blessing that it wasn't a cyst, as that would have delayed us a month or so.  Of course we had Joseph's work schedule planned around these next two weeks.  The end of July was really busy, so now he is trying to shift everything around.  It looks like it is all going to work out, minus a few days that Blake is going to stay with his Nana and Pa. 

So that is where we are.  The good news is that I won't be completely uncomfortable for our anniversary.  How has it been five years? Time has flown.  I am so lucky to have such a great husband and father for Blake.     

This is my favorite non-posed picture.  We had just come in from taking pictures outside. It was roughly 100 degrees in North Carolina (hello humid and poor Joseph was wearing wool). My love gave me a sweet kiss and told me I looked pretty.