Christmas is over... on to 2010

Christmas has come and gone. Joseph and I tried to make the day as positive as possible. We started Christmas morning by visiting the boys. We took some new flowers and visited with them for a little while. The bows that we put up on Thanksgiving are still there. It was heartbreaking to spend Christmas in a graveyard, but there was no way we couldn't go see them on Christmas. After leaving the boys, we went to Joseph's parent's house and my Grandparent's house. All-in-all I think we did pretty well. The closer we get to the twins due date, the stronger we get. That day is going to be hard, but it will also be the last of these painful days for awhile. We unfortunately lost our boys right before three major holidays, followed closely by their due date.... which makes everything that much harder.

We are back in Stafford now. New Years Eve will probably be a quiet night for us. I think we are both excited about the prospect of a new year and a fresh start. 2009 will definitely go on record for being one of the most trying years to date. 2010 is going to be better for us, I just know it. I am ready for some positive things in our lives.

I leave you with a picture of the boy's headstone. I think it is beautiful. It is decorated for Christmas with the bows that Joseph and I put on there after Thanksgiving.

Snow!

You can finally see the steps

Bailey's dog house

Bailey hates the snow

Cars in our parking lot
95 North.... looks like fun95 south...

Three months...

It has been three months. Three months ago today, my life changed forever. I will never be the same person I was then. The old Andrea thought that everything happens for a reason, and in the end... everything will be OK. Even while I was in the hospital, I swore that everything would be OK. The new Andrea knows that is crap. Bad things happen to good people everyday, and sometimes everything is not OK in the end. Sometimes the end is horrible, and leaves you wondering what the heck just happened. Either way, we have to pick ourselves up from the ground and walk again. I have learned that God has a plan, and we just have to deal with his plans. We have no control, and the first question I have for him is, "What did we do to deserve that?". Until then, we just have to wait. We have to get out of bed every morning and put one foot in front of the other.

The last few weeks have been good. We have our Christmas tree, and I love the smell of it. I decided to make a wreath last week, and I am very proud of my craftiness. I am not usually very crafty, so when I do make something... it is a big deal. Most of our Christmas shopping is done. I am not nearly as excited for Christmas this year. It definitely isn't going to be how I pictured it months ago.

Joseph starts working his long days at TBS next week. Next week will be a long week, but then he has Christmas break... so that isn't so bad. After the new year, he will be gone most of the time. He will graduate in July, and we should be moving to our new home sometime in the next few months. We have no idea where that will be, but we are hoping the Marine Corps will be nice to us. I would love to go just about anywhere. There are a few places that I might just send Joseph to alone ;) I will be sad to leave Quantico. This area has been home for two and a half years now. I have found that I really like living near the city. I like having Target less than half a mile from my home. I love going to DC and exploring. The base here is really nice, and everything is new. I do hate the traffic, but after awhile you just get use to it. Quantico is definitely a place that I hope we come back to in our travels.

So I leave you with a picture of my wreath, because I am proud of myself...

Ahhh

I thought we could all use some thing to laugh at... so here we go. It is random clip Wednesday.

We made it...

Well, we survived Thanksgiving. It was a tough day for me. We went to North Carolina on Thanksgiving day to have dinner with my parents. On our way to their house, we stopped and visited the boys. I got all of my crying out then, and was able to make it through the rest of the day. It was the first time seeing their headstone, and mom was right.... it is perfect. It broke my heart to see, but there it is. Someone had put flowers out for them, which was wonderful. It is amazing how many people love our boys. They were very special little guys that changed us forever.

We went out shopping for black Friday, and actually enjoyed ourselves in the madness. We got up at 2am, and shopped until around 9am. We got most of our Christmas shopping done, which is unusual for me. We have a few little things to pick up, but everyone is pretty much taken care of. We also did a lot of shopping for the NICU at Bethesda. We were given a lot of money when the boys passed away, and we have just gotten to the point of using it. We got a bunch of blankets and CD's for the NICU babies. The NICU social worker said that blankets and calming CD's were the most needed things at this time, so we are trying to make sure that every baby has a nice blanket. We also plan on using some of it for Toys for Tots. Somehow, helping other people makes me feel better about everything that happened.

Things are tough right now. There are a lot of things going on in our life that just add to the stress of the holidays without Ethan and Jacob. There are times that I wonder if we will ever get a break. This year has kicked us over and over again. At this point I am just done with it. It is time for Joseph and I to worry about our lives and let everyone else figure it out on their own. Our lives have been stressful enough this year, and we need to focus on our future.

So... we turn our focus to making it through Christmas. Thanksgiving required wine.... Christmas will require more wine. Joseph and I will make it, we have no other choice. We are strong, and will make it with heads held high.