1/10/10

Sunday was Ethan and Jacob's official due date. They would have been here well before the tenth, but it was still hard to reach that day. All of our dreams of having two little boys living in our house are gone. Since the day that we left the hospital without them, I have dreaded the tenth of January. Right now, we should be exhausted from taking care of two beautiful little boys. How quickly life changes. Most of the day, I thought about everything that has happened. I thought about how precious our two babies were. I thought about their short lives, and who they could have been. I think Ethan looked more like me. He had my little piggy nose, and was much shorter than his brother. Jacob was going to be a tall boy. Apparently Joseph's hands are a dominate gene, as both of them had his short fingers and large palms. Joseph and I have beautiful babies, although I think all mom's say that.

Today marks four months since I had them. I think back to the day we left Bethesda, and I am amazed at how far we have come. We have opened the door to their room, and no longer hate going in there. I enjoy talking about them now. It still hurts, and we miss them everyday. The pain has become easier to deal with. I don't think it will ever go away, but I am learning to live with it. I don't think there will be a day that I don't wonder why we were picked to deal with this, but it has become part of our lives.

In other news, Joseph started TBS after Christmas. It has been tough for him. They worked really long hours last week, and all through the weekend. It was tough to get through the boy's due date while Joseph was working so hard, but we managed. Hopefully things will settle down in the next few weeks for him. I know he is ready for July already. I agree. I wish we could just fast forward to July, so that he can be done.

I leave you with a picture of Joseph. His dad gave me a ton of pictures of him at Christmas. I just think he was the cutest little kid.

OK, one more.... Look at how dark Joseph is. Poor Steven looks so pale. Even as a kid my husband was tan. I feel your pain Steven, he makes me look pale in EVERY picture we take.

Last one, I swear....