Saturday, October 10, 2009

One month

It has almost been a month since I held my two little angels. It doesn't seem possible. In some ways this month has flown by, and in others it seems to be slowly creeping. A lot has changed in a month. Tomorrow I would have been 27 weeks pregnant. The survival rate at that gestational age is so much higher. The boys would have had a real chance at making it, but life didn't work out that way.
I have dreaded October 13th since the boys passed away. The one month mark just brings all of those feelings back. From the fear to the pain, it brings everything back. I think that the first of everything is tough. This is the first month marker, and it will be tough for us. We will get through though, as we have no other option. Time will continue on, and before we realize it... it we will be back to having another first... instead of month, it will be a year. We will think about Jacob and Ethan every single day of that year, and hope they are shining down on us.

We are back in North Carolina now, we leave for vacation on Monday. My parents are watching Bailey the Boxer while we are gone. My mom gave me a beautiful necklace with the boy's birthstones in it. Of course it made me cry, but I love it. It is perfect. I also love that she understands. Through all of our infertility struggles, I always felt like my family just didn't get it. They just didn't understand, and we didn't really tell them a lot about it. I really feel like my mom really understands how hard it was to say goodbye to Jacob and Ethan. She understands how scary everything was, and how precious those 36 hours with Ethan were. She gets it, and I am so thankful to have her completely understand.

Well, we are off to Las Vegas for a week. Hopefully we will have a great time and can come home with some happy memories. Keep us in your prayers on the 13th... that day is going to be a tough one, no matter where we are.


  1. I hope you two are able to enjoy yourselves in Vegas. You deserve it. You guys are always in our thoughts.

  2. Sending you hugs and prayers. I know it's so hard to live without our precious babies. I've add the boys to the Angel Friends list.