Monday, July 30, 2012

Holding On

IVF isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. A marathon with a moving finish line. As you are running along in this marathon, you think you are three miles from the finish line.  Then you pass a sign that says the finish line has been moved, and you are now five miles from the finish line. Only two more miles, right? You have already been so far, what are two more miles?  Those extra two miles are huge, not only physically but mentally.

Our current cycle feels a lot like this. There have been a lot of issues with my medication doses, since I had so many problems my last IVF cycle. We started out WAY too low with the fear of repeating, and we basically wasted three days.  My estrogen was incredibly low (not a good thing), it was somehow lower than before we started the medicines. They slowly moved my medicines up, and nothing really happened.  It has been a trial and error cycle, and the word cancel has been used more than a few times.

When you are spending thousands of dollars on medications, the words, "Trial and error" and "Canceled".... not what you want to hear.  Things seem to be turning around, but it changes daily. This cycle has been much more emotionally draining than the last.

Last time, I never thought about being canceled.  My doctor was always happy with my levels, and he was confident we would get plenty of eggs.  We had five embryos, and we sailed to the embryo transfer.  Not a worry in the world.  Then I overstimulated and was so, so sick. Physically, it was horrible. 

It is never easy.    


  1. Hate all this for you. Been thinking about you so much. I hated hearing my doctor tell me, "Well, in hindsight..."

    I just wanted to say, "WHAT?????????????????????"

    And the word "Cancel"?

    I feel you. And am thinking about and praying for you!!

  2. You are so right. It is NEVER easy. I remember having a really hard time responding to even high dosages of stims. IVF for me was much more mentally daunting than physically difficult.

    I will keep you in my thoughts. Thanks for keeping us posted!