Well, we survived Thanksgiving. It was a tough day for me. We went to North Carolina on Thanksgiving day to have dinner with my parents. On our way to their house, we stopped and visited the boys. I got all of my crying out then, and was able to make it through the rest of the day. It was the first time seeing their headstone, and mom was right.... it is perfect. It broke my heart to see, but there it is. Someone had put flowers out for them, which was wonderful. It is amazing how many people love our boys. They were very special little guys that changed us forever.
We went out shopping for black Friday, and actually enjoyed ourselves in the madness. We got up at 2am, and shopped until around 9am. We got most of our Christmas shopping done, which is unusual for me. We have a few little things to pick up, but everyone is pretty much taken care of. We also did a lot of shopping for the NICU at Bethesda. We were given a lot of money when the boys passed away, and we have just gotten to the point of using it. We got a bunch of blankets and CD's for the NICU babies. The NICU social worker said that blankets and calming CD's were the most needed things at this time, so we are trying to make sure that every baby has a nice blanket. We also plan on using some of it for Toys for Tots. Somehow, helping other people makes me feel better about everything that happened.
Things are tough right now. There are a lot of things going on in our life that just add to the stress of the holidays without Ethan and Jacob. There are times that I wonder if we will ever get a break. This year has kicked us over and over again. At this point I am just done with it. It is time for Joseph and I to worry about our lives and let everyone else figure it out on their own. Our lives have been stressful enough this year, and we need to focus on our future.
So... we turn our focus to making it through Christmas. Thanksgiving required wine.... Christmas will require more wine. Joseph and I will make it, we have no other choice. We are strong, and will make it with heads held high.
Hi - I stumbled across your blog yesterday and it truly touched me. My husband and I had a similar experience - we lost our little girl at 20 weeks this past August. I can so relate to the things you are feeling and, like you, are dreading the holidays a bit this year. I think we are in the (relatively close) geographical area - we live in Alexandria, VA. I would love to chat with you sometime, if you feel like it. My e-mail is hadleygilbert@msn.com if you would like to get in touch.
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