Two

Two years ago, I had just met the most amazing, stubborn, funny, cute, infuriating, and sweet person in my life. In true Blake fashion, he was born on his own terms. The doctors tried inducing me, but that is not Blake's style. Thirty-six hours later an emergency C-section was decided. I was put to sleep, because he was stuck. It was difficult to get him, and Joseph said he could see the worry in the doctor's eyes. He came out not moving, and he had to be forced to breath at first.

His birth fits him. Blake loves to be center stage.

In the last two years, I have learned all about this little man. I cherish him. There are days when I cherish him more than others, but each day I thank God for him. He is a blessing, even on his worst days.

The amount of love that little body holds is literally amazing. It is unconditional, pure, sweet love. Even with his latest tantrums, he wants love after timeout.

He is talking, and it is the sweetest thing. He asks where Daddy is every weekday morning, then says, "He at work! Oh no!". He knows faces and names. He says, "I love you". He has figured out what "One more" means, and uses it over and over again. Sometimes he will even say, "One more Mommy! Come on!".

I can't believe it has been two years. Two years since we were sitting in the hospital, terrified we were going to kill this tiny (8lb5oz) stranger we just met. Little did I know, he would be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Transfer

We made it to transfer!
A picture of possible Z babies is below. We were also blessed with one to freeze for later. They are grade 4 and 3+ expanded blasts (for my ivf friends). Our frozen is a grade 3+ blast as well.

Our other two arrested, which was expected of one.

After a lot of thinking and praying we decided to go with our doctor's advice, and transfer two. We are hopeful we made the right decision.

Now starts the two week wait...

Fighting Five!

We have five embryos! Joseph and I decided that the fighting five would be a good name this time. Our last IVF cycle we had five embryos as well. Apparently five is our number.

After waiting forever for my clinic to call, and a few angry phone calls... We finally got our report (24 hours later than we expected it). Our clinic dropped the ball, and they didn't call us with the report. It was so stressful waiting for the news. I was terrified none of them had fertilized. Terrified.

Our clinic grades on a 1-4 scale. 4 being the best and 1 being the worst. This is the opposite of a lot of clinics. I have no idea why they do it backwards.
We have on day two:
2- grade 4 (best) embryos
2-grade 3 embryos
1- 2+ grade embryo

We don't expect that grade 2 embryo to make it, but it still has time to catch up. We will get another report on Wednesday, and we are doing a day five transfer on Thursday.

This report was much better than I expected. I was so scared we didn't get enough eggs. Whew.

Six

We had our egg retrieval today, and they got six eggs. Less than our last cycle. We had nine eggs last time, so I was a bit disappointed with only six.

The nurses said they were great quality, so we are hoping for a great fertilization report tomorrow.

The egg retrieval went very smoothly. They knocked me out, and I don't remember a thing. Joseph said I was talking gibberish in the recovery room, but nothing too embarrassing. :)

Everyone say a prayer or cross your fingers. We are hoping for some great embryos, but with only six eggs... We aren't working with a lot.

Holding On

IVF isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. A marathon with a moving finish line. As you are running along in this marathon, you think you are three miles from the finish line.  Then you pass a sign that says the finish line has been moved, and you are now five miles from the finish line. Only two more miles, right? You have already been so far, what are two more miles?  Those extra two miles are huge, not only physically but mentally.

Our current cycle feels a lot like this. There have been a lot of issues with my medication doses, since I had so many problems my last IVF cycle. We started out WAY too low with the fear of repeating, and we basically wasted three days.  My estrogen was incredibly low (not a good thing), it was somehow lower than before we started the medicines. They slowly moved my medicines up, and nothing really happened.  It has been a trial and error cycle, and the word cancel has been used more than a few times.

When you are spending thousands of dollars on medications, the words, "Trial and error" and "Canceled".... not what you want to hear.  Things seem to be turning around, but it changes daily. This cycle has been much more emotionally draining than the last.

Last time, I never thought about being canceled.  My doctor was always happy with my levels, and he was confident we would get plenty of eggs.  We had five embryos, and we sailed to the embryo transfer.  Not a worry in the world.  Then I overstimulated and was so, so sick. Physically, it was horrible. 

It is never easy.    

Fearless

Fearless is the only way to describe Blake in the water.  He has zero concern.  He thinks it is all fun, even when he gets splashed in the face.  He is starting swimming lessons soon, since his lack of fear terrifies me.  He will just walk right into the deep end, with no problems with the water being over his head.  He is my water baby.  We have already taught him to kick his legs and blow bubbles in the water.  He is a water baby already, just like his mommy was.  

 Practicing kicking

 So much fun at the pool!

 He is SUCH a daddy's boy.  They are best buddies, which his daddy loves.

Hurry Up and Wait

Delayed.

My body does not want to follow the "rules".  Ever.  While it is really frustrating, I have almost come to expect it.  So when the ultrasound tech said that I have a cyst, I just shook my head.  Of course I do.  OHSS, pPROM, premature births, pregnancy induced hypertension, emergency c-section that required a urologist due to a ripped uterus... Normal? What is that?

The good news is that we later found out that it wasn't a cyst, just a huge follicle.  My body apparently thinks the birth control pills that my doctor put me on were a challenge.  They didn't work, and my body won.  If we weren't infertile, we could be one of those couples that gets pregnant while on birth control pills.... but we are infertile.

I was given a shot to speed things up, but our cycle will still be delayed about two weeks.  It was a blessing that it wasn't a cyst, as that would have delayed us a month or so.  Of course we had Joseph's work schedule planned around these next two weeks.  The end of July was really busy, so now he is trying to shift everything around.  It looks like it is all going to work out, minus a few days that Blake is going to stay with his Nana and Pa. 

So that is where we are.  The good news is that I won't be completely uncomfortable for our anniversary.  How has it been five years? Time has flown.  I am so lucky to have such a great husband and father for Blake.     

This is my favorite non-posed picture.  We had just come in from taking pictures outside. It was roughly 100 degrees in North Carolina (hello humid and poor Joseph was wearing wool). My love gave me a sweet kiss and told me I looked pretty.