At Last

My lonely days are over. After ten and a half months, Joseph is finally home from his deployment. At last. He has been home for a week now, and he is getting back into the swing of things slowly. Things are pretty different in our house. He left a snugly, little baby boy, and he returned to a wild, giggly toddler. Things are much more chaotic than they were a little under a year ago.

Blake is in full toddler force. He knows what he wants, he eats "real" food, he understands when given (most) instructions, he gives kisses, hugs, the bottle is gone, and anytime he wants something he says "please" then gives the sweetest face in the world. He knows how to blow kisses, call his Nana and Pa (and asks to do it frequently), run, and helps clean up his toys. He is a big boy.

When Joseph left he was barely sitting up. He couldn't even sit up alone. We had to put him in a sitting position, and he could maintain it. He wasn't sleeping through the night yet. He was truly a baby. Such a difference. The transition has been going well. There have been a few moments where I had to step in and say, "We have to hold hands in the parking lot" or "He needs that cut up more", but I have been letting them figure it out together as much as possible (without completely messing up Blake's routine). Joseph came home and jumped right in. He is truly an amazing father. Blake and Daddy have been best buddies since about two minutes after Joseph found us at homecoming.

So, all is great in our world. We are so happy to be together again. Hopefully, there will not be any deployments in our immediate future. And, I leave you with our homecoming slide show. It is perfect. I am so, so happy with our photographer. She was amazing. Simply amazing. She arrived at our house to a screaming Blake and a stressed out Andrea. She took it all in stride. We are going to have a family session with her in the spring, and I can't wait.
 Homecoming Pictures

Learning

When we started our journey to become parents, I always thought of all the wonderful things I would teach a child.  How to give hugs, kisses, wave, count, and many other things. I never dreamed of what my children would teach me.  I never really thought about it.  It was not until each child was brought into my life, that I realized how much you can learn from such a small heart. 

Jacob was my first born.  From the moment we first saw him on an ultrasound, he was laid back and calm.  He was the entire pregnancy.  My laid back child.  He taught me that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for others.  He taught me what it means to fight.  He survived 3.5 weeks, when none of our doctors expected him to.  Had he passed during those 3.5 weeks, I would have certainly contracted an infection.  An infection would have ended the pregnancy before Ethan would have been considered viable.

Ethan was just the opposite.  He was moving constantly, even in the NICU.  He was dancing on every ultrasound we had.  He was tough, and I don't think laid back would have ever described him.  As he fought in the NICU, he taught me strength.  He taught me that sometimes we have to let go, even when we don't want to.  Sometimes life is cruel, and we have to pick ourselves up and continue living even when that seems impossible. 

Blake is my take home baby.  I think he is a mixture of his two brothers.  He has his laid back moments, but when he decides it is time for a dance party... we dance.  He has taught me so much in the last year and half.  While I was pregnant, he taught me that it is OK to be scared.  Just because bad things happened once, does not mean it will happen every time.  His birth taught me that sometimes things don't go as planned, but as long as everyone is OK in the end.... it is OK. 

Blake has taught me the meaning of happiness, true frustration, pure joy, unconditional love, and how to be a mother.  Before I had Blake I never would have thought the words, "We don't stab our friends with a fork" would come out of my mouth.  It is always an adventure, although it's usually an entertaining one.  Blake has a way of making people smile.  He just does.  His joy is contagious.  He has taught me that life is short, and we should enjoy every second. 

Here is some joy.... compliments of Blake.  

 

Welcome 2012!

Well, here you are 2012.  I have been waiting and waiting for you. 2012, I have high hopes for you, so don't let me down... OK?
2011 was a challenging year.  A friend did a year in pictures on her blog, and I loved the idea.  So, here we go! Hold on, it was a bumpy ride. 

January
This month was pretty uneventful.  Blake saw his first snow, and even played in it a little.  Joseph was in his job school.  The hours were nice, and it was somewhat stress free. 

February 
This month was marked by Blake learning that he loves swinging.  The temperatures were mild, so we really enjoyed walking to the park on base.  This month was the calm before the storm. 

March
Oh March.  You rocked my world, in not such a great way. Joseph graduated from MOS (job) school on the first day of March.  His CO was nice enough to attend.  After graduation, he pulled Joseph away, and he explained that their scheduled deployment for July had been moved up to March 28th.  Enter panic.  The rest of the month was a nightmare.  Joseph had six months worth of work to do in 27 days.  He was working all the time.  Our "predeployment leave" consisted of a night in Wilmington.  Realistically, he left on his graduation day, he was just still here physically.    

 This picture was taken about 5 minutes before "the news" was told.

We had family pictures taken on a Sunday afternoon.  Thank goodness the photographer was my neighbor. 

April

This month was the actual month Joseph left.  He was put on remain behind for a week and a half, since he had so much work to do.  Sadly, he ended up working every second of that last bit of time.  He deployed in early April for a deployment that we were told would be 7-10 months.  Less than a week later, Blake had a surgery to correct a birth defect and tornadoes rocked the town we live in.  Not the best way to start a long deployment, but we survived.  I think this was the most difficult month by far.

 Deployment day

Pre-surgery

May

May was the month that I found my routine.  Things started falling into place a little easier.  I still had an infant by myself, but I had figured out what worked and what didn't.  Blake FINALLY started consistently sleeping through the night, which made life much better.  Blake also started crawling. 

 Thank you, thank you, thank you

There he goes

June

June was the beginning of our summer of travel.  I logged many miles, and June started with a trip to Miami for my college friend's wedding.  I left Blake with my parents, which I was quite nervous about.  It was my first time leaving him overnight.  We both did amazingly well.  He had a great time at my parents, and I was privileged to witness a beautiful wedding.  

July

We stayed at home for the 4th of July and enjoyed the fireworks on base.  We were also evacuated due to a large forest fire, which poured smoke into our town.  It was a scary evening.   Overall, we tried to enjoy time outside, when the smoke wasn't too thick.

August

August was a huge month for our family.  It started off with a trip to the beach with my college friends.  We had so much fun! Then, at the end of month, we headed off to Italy.  It was an amazing trip.  We got to spend four days with Joseph.  It was amazing, and the best decision we made during this deployment.  Blake spent his first birthday in Italy, which is a great story to tell.  While we were gone, Hurricane Irene came through.  We had minor damage, but it was quite stressful to deal with from another continent. 

 

 Someone had a lot of fun with his smash cake

Beautiful Italy

 September
September was the slowest month of the year for me.  I felt like summer had so much going on.  We were going here and there... then September marked the end of all of that.  I started work on my master's degree again and also took a photography class.  The graduate class caused way too much stress, and we have a new family rule of no school during deployments for Mommy. 

October

Enter school madness and fall.  That was October.

November

November started with the Marine Corps ball.  A great event with the other spouses. I am so lucky to have had such a great group of buddies for this deployment.  A huge highlight of November was Blake FINALLY learning to walk.  He just started walking one day, like he had been doing it for months.  Once he started, he never looked back.

December

We spent the month sick.  Blake battled two ear infections and the flu.  Poor guy just couldn't catch a break.  I finished my graduate class, and felt the stress cloud lifting from the house.  We got a lot of family time in.  My sister spent a week with us, and we spent a week with my parents.  It was a quick month.  Blake was spoiled rotten.  

 Blake's new ride

 I love his joy

So, here we are in January.  I am hoping that this year brings less stress, more togetherness, and great things.  I can't wait!  

Christmas Time

I have officially finished my graduate class.  Everyone kept telling me that after it was over, I would feel so accomplished.  I do, but I still sit here and wonder why I thought that would be a good idea.  Graduate school, deployment, 1 year old, volunteering, and a photography class. Insane.  I felt the stress lifting off of me as I turned in my last assignment.
My house is starting to look less like an episode of hoarders and more like a Toys R' Us commercial.  I think by Christmas, we will be back where we should be.  Just in time to bring home all of the things that Blake is getting for Christmas.  We won't say he is spoiled, he is just very loved.  ;)
 Christmas is lacking for me this year.  I am ignoring it.  If I ignore it long enough, it won't happen.  It can't happen without my love.  Sadly, it will happen without my love.  Add another holiday to the pile that he has missed because of this extended deployment.  So many.  While the others were hard, Christmas is the one that hurts the most.  So, he missed Memorial Day.  That was fine.  Were the banks even closed on Columbus day?!? The 4th of July wasn't too bad.  Veterans day was OK.  The TV was covered with Marines, but we survived.  Then Thanksgiving rolled in.  We made it through that thanks to my mother's delicious chocolate daiquiris and sweet potatoes (Blake's favorite food).  On to Christmas...
 We will miss Joseph greatly.  I will miss him.  I will miss his excitement.  I will miss his funny jokes.  I will miss his conversations. I will miss his happiness.  I will miss how happy he makes Blake.  He has become a huge part of not only my life, but my family's as well.  He even called and talked to my parents on Thanksgiving.  They will miss him almost as much as I will.
But, we press on... we have no other choice.  Each missed holiday brings him closer to home. So, for all of my military wives who's husbands are deployed for the holidays....





Keep your head up ladies.  Our turn will be here soon. 




     

Exhaustion...

It is amazing how exhausting a toddler can be.  Blake has hit the tantrum stage.  He officially melts down about something as meaningless as me forgetting to let him turn the light off.  That isn't made up, it has happened.  Tonight he melted down at Applebee's, because he had to sit in his highchair.  We had a twenty minute meltdown in the bathroom.  Over a seat .  Such a stubborn boy.  Between this new development, school, Joseph's current location, and keeping our house from looking like an episode of hoarders, I officially look like this....

 
There just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done.  I feel like I am almost failing at everything.  I have two more weeks of graduate class, then I am done for awhile.  This class reminded me how much work they require.  Doing them with Blake is hard.  I won't be taking another until Joseph's job has him home for awhile.  Hopefully after the next two weeks, I can get things together.  It seems like Blake is behind, since he isn't doing things so-and-so's child is doing.  I completely blame myself when people say things like that.  I wish I had the help around the house to teach him how to multiply and divide by the time he is two.  Sadly, it is just me making sure he has food to eat, clean clothes, and a clean environment.  I try, but I don't have time to drill things into his head like I would if I had his Daddy around.  Hopefully when my school is done and the holidays are over, he can learn how to drive Joseph's truck or something equally as impressive.  If not, he can continue to be a little boy who loves cars, ducks, and books.   

  Here are some pictures I had made of us... We are surviving!     

National Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day

"If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that's a great, great gift."-Elizabeth Edwards

Today is a day to remember the angel babies.  Today is the day to remember the babies that never made it out of the NICU.  Today is a day to remember the babies that never got to see the sky, feel the fresh air, or were taken too soon.  Today we remember our tiny angels.

One in four women will suffer from a miscarriage or infant loss.  That is a huge number.  Sadly, this day does not get the publicity it should.  It is usually overshadowed by breast cancer awareness month.  There are no football players wearing the ribbon, no commercials, no huge support walks.  Instead, there are angel mommies lighting candles for their little ones that they could not keep.

Remember our little ones.  As Elizabeth Edwards said, we already remember them.  Knowing other people remember them is a wonderful gift.   

Happy Fall

Fall is finally here! I have been waiting on this season for months. I love fall. There is something special about it. The weather cools, leaves change, and outdoor events are so much more fun. I have loved fall since I attended college in the mountains. Watching the leaves change was amazing. This year, fall has a different meaning. This is the last full season we have to make it though without Joseph. We have made it through spring, summer, and now fall is here. I am so sad that he is missing all of the events of fall, but the cooler air makes it real. He is coming home in the cooler air! So this year, fall is more than pumpkins, costumes, and candy. Fall is the light at the end of the tunnel. Fall is the beginning of our family being together again. Fall is the beginning of the end of this thing. So excuse me while I hang my fall wreath, buy Blake's Halloween costume way too early (and spend way too much money on it), and pull out our cool weather clothes in late August. I have been waiting for this.....