Happy Fall

Fall is finally here! I have been waiting on this season for months. I love fall. There is something special about it. The weather cools, leaves change, and outdoor events are so much more fun. I have loved fall since I attended college in the mountains. Watching the leaves change was amazing. This year, fall has a different meaning. This is the last full season we have to make it though without Joseph. We have made it through spring, summer, and now fall is here. I am so sad that he is missing all of the events of fall, but the cooler air makes it real. He is coming home in the cooler air! So this year, fall is more than pumpkins, costumes, and candy. Fall is the light at the end of the tunnel. Fall is the beginning of our family being together again. Fall is the beginning of the end of this thing. So excuse me while I hang my fall wreath, buy Blake's Halloween costume way too early (and spend way too much money on it), and pull out our cool weather clothes in late August. I have been waiting for this.....

Two Years

It has been two years since my Ethan and Jacob were born.  It is amazing how it feels like yesterday and forever at the same time. Blake and I went to the beach today.  We let balloons go for Ethan and Jacob.  After letting them go, we played in the water for awhile.  Blake had an amazing time, and looking at his little innocent eyes made my heart a little happier.  It was difficult to watch their little brother crawl around in the sand (which he was having the time of his life), and not think about what should be.  At the same time, I think the past year has done a ton for me.  This time last year was hard.  I had a newborn Blake, and I remember looking at him and thinking about everything we missed with Ethan and Jacob.  I remember thinking that I wanted them all.  All three of my little men.  

This year, I still miss them very much, but the unbarable pain isn't as strong as it was.  I was told when they died, that you never stop hurting after losing a child, you just get use to the pain.  I have to agree.  I am slowly getting use to it.  It is part of our story.  We will never "heal" from losing them though, the scars will be there forever.  I can still remember the feeling in my stomach when the doctor told us Ethan wasn't going to make it.  I remember the fear we had the entire time he was in the NICU.  I can remember all of those horrible things, but I can live with them now.  Before, I felt like I couldn't breathe when I thought about it. 

So, here are our pictures from today....

 And the ones from last year.  It is amazing how little Blake was.

Italy...

 We recently had a family trip to Italy.  My parents came with us, and it was amazing.  I have to say, Italy is my favorite vacation to date. We were there for Blake's first birthday.  Not many babies can say that their first birthday was spent exploring Rome.

Here are the pictures! 

Happy Birthday my beautiful baby

A fountain at the Vatican

He loved this

Beautiful Italy... I want to move here.

Date Night!!

Riding Around

Someone learned how to ride a 4-wheeler.  Daddy is going to be so excited!

Father's Day

Today is the day we honor the men in our life.  The men who raised us, and then men who help raise our children now.
Joseph has been a better daddy than I ever dreamed he would be.  It took a lot of time and heartache for us to become pregnant.  From the moment we found out we were pregnant with Ethan and Jacob, he was just overjoyed.  He was amazing through that pregnancy.  When we found out we were having two boys, he was even more excited.  He had a huge grin on his face as we walked out of the office.

When I was hospitalized, he spent 3.5 weeks sleeping on a pull out couch.  He did everything he possibly could to make things better.  He kept me laughing and happy every second he could, even though he was terrified.  When we lost Ethan and Jacob, I saw Joseph hurt more than I have ever seen a human hurt.  He was devastated.  He loved those little babies with all of his heart.  He loved them before he even knew them.

When we found out I was pregnant with Blake, I was terrified.  Joseph was excited, really excited.  We agreed that we were going to keep the pregnancy a secret for as long as possible. Within about three days, Joseph had told everyone he worked with.  He was so happy.  Joseph was meant to be a daddy.  I always thought he would be a good one.

Then.... Blake was born.




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I realized that I had no idea how great of a daddy he would be.  Joseph loves Blake so much.  They had an instant bond.

I found them on our back porch MANY mornings, enjoying the sun while I slept.


Blake loved snugging with Daddy.

We never fought over who would have baby duty.  Joseph has never looked at Blake as a chore, he loved spending the time with him.  He got up with him all the time.  Even when I was feeding him, Joseph would get up to make sure everything was OK. 

I love how Blake makes the same faces Joseph makes.  I was taking too long to snap the picture.  As you can see, they are both annoyed.  This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of them.  It makes me laugh every time.

 













Happy Father's Day, Joseph.  You are an amazing man and father. 

Daddy is so funny.

Joseph made Blake a video!   Blake adores this thing.  He laughs so hard at his daddy. 

Look What I Can Do....